Uncle Joe's Mint Balls

Words & Music:

Mike Harding

 

Contrary to popular opinion, this is not an old Music Hall tune, but a modern song about a confection made by the Wm. Santus & Co., Ltd. Toffee works!  (www.uncle-joes.com).  Find out more about Mike Harding at www.mikeharding.co.uk/.  You can find this song on his 1975 album "Mrs. 'Ardin's Kid".

 

     D                                                A7

Now, there's a place in Wigan, a place you all should know;

  A7                                           D

A busy little factory where things are all the go.

D                                                           G

They don't make Jakes or Eccles Cakes or things to stick on walls.

    A7                                               D

But night and day they work away at Uncle Joe's Mint Balls.

 

CHORUS:

D                                   A7

Uncle Joe's Mint Balls keep you all aglow.

A7                                            D

Give 'em to your grannie and watch the beggar go.

D                                            G

Away with coughs and sniffles, take a few in hand,

A7                                                         D

Suck 'em and see, you'll agree they're the best in all the land.

 

Me dad has always wanted curly hair on his bald head

Suck an Uncle Joe's Mint Ball that's what the doctor said

So he got an Uncle Joe's Mint Ball and sucked it all night long

When he got up next morning, he'd hairs all over his tongue

 

CHORUS:

 

Me uncle Albert passed away from ale upon the brain

The doctors said that he were dead and would never walk again

So they gave the corpse an Uncle Joe's and then stood back aghast

Cos the corpse jumped up and ran to the pub and spent the insurance brass

 

CHORUS:

 

Me granny said me granddad 'e were gettin' old and slow

And fire in grandad's boiler 'ad gone out long ago

So 'e got an Uncle Joe's Mint Ball, sucked it all the night

But his hot breath singed her vest and set the bed alight

 

CHORUS:

 

We 'ad a pigeon it were bald and couldn't fly too fast

Never won places in the races, always come in last

Though it were bald, no feathers at all it won a race one day

We give it an Uncle Joe's Mint Ball and it ran al't bloody way

 

CHORUS:

 

I had a girl her name was May in passion she were lackin'

Fed 'er with whisky to make 'er frisky, still she wouldn't get crackin'

So I gave her an Uncle Joe's Mint Ball to get 'er all aglow

Now she combs the streets of Wigan, looking for Uncle Joe!

 

CHORUS:

 

We gave some to the coalman's 'orse as it stood in the road

It gave a cough then beggared off with it's cart an' load

It ran onto the racecourse going like a bird

Covered the track with nutty slack and came first, second and third

 

CHORUS:

 

The RSPCA have bought six tons of Uncle Joe's

To give to all the animules to keep 'em all aglow

Our budgie now is six foot tall, the cat is eight foot three

And all the poor brass monkeys are as happy as can be

 

CHORUS: