If I Were Not A...
Words & Music:
Traditional
First, decide what two-syllable profession you are. At camp, this song was "If I were
not a camper" and that is the example I'll use for this song. Place as many people in line as you
have verses. Make up your own
silly verses! Or, cop some off the
web if you don't want to make up your own.
CHORUS:
C F C
F C
If I were not a camper, there's something else I'd be.
C F C [n.c]
If I were not a camper...
Person 1 speaks:
An Archer I would be!
Shoot the bow, the mighty mighty bow! (shoot a mighty bow)
Shoot the bow, the mighty mighty bow! (shoot a mighty bow)
CHORUS: (all sing)
Person 2 speaks:
A Birdwatcher I'd be!
Hark! A
lark! Flying through the park! Splat!
(look
through binoculars, then clean your head)
Hark! A
lark! Flying through the
park! Splat!
(look
through binoculars, then clean your head)
Now, the Birdwatcher and the Archer say their lines
together.
CHORUS: (all sing)
Person 3 speaks:
A farmer I would be!
Sow the seed, and fertilize the weeds! (sow seeds)
Sow the seed, and fertilize the weeds! (sow seeds)
Now, the Farmer and the Birdwatcher say their lines
together.
Then, the Farmer, the Birdwatcher and the Archer say their
lines together.
CHORUS: (all sing)
Person 4 speaks:
A Carpenter IÕd
be!
2 x 4, nail it
to the floor (nail the board to
the floor)
2 x 4, nail it
to the floor (nail the board to
the floor)
Now, the Carpenter and the Farmer say their lines
together.
Then, the Carpenter, the Farmer and the Birdwatcher say
their lines together.
Finally, the Carpenter, the Farmer, the Birdwatcher and
the Archer say their lines together.
CHORUS: (all sing)
Okay, you get the idea. Here are some other professions:
Well, Superman, I'd be!
It's a bird!
It's a plane! Where's Lois
Lane?
("fly",
then shade your eyes to look for Lois Lane)
A Stewardess IÕd
be!
Coffee, tea or
me, sir? HereÕs your paper bag.
(say ŌblechĶ into the bag)
[*note: this actually dates from a real 1970s
airline ad - you can tell by the stewardess' reaction that even little girls of
that era hated that ad*]
A Weightlifter
IÕd be!
Here a muscle,
there a muscle, here a muscle, too!
Dahhh...
(point to your head)
A Fry Cook I
would be!
Fry, baby,
fry. Whoops! I burned my buns!
(point to your butt & make a
sizzling sound)
A Soda Jerk IÕd
be!
Ooshy-Gooshy! Ooshy-gooshy! Mmmm! Good ice
cream!
(scoop a cone & eat it)
A Politician I would be!
Raise the taxes, lower the pay, vote for me on Election Day!
(do the
politician grin and wave)
End on everyone singing the CHORUS: