Original Words & Music:
Harry S. Miller
Here are some of the many, many versions of verses I've
discovered on the web. Pick &
choose and make up yer own. That's
the joy of song lore.
Now old Mr. Johnson had troubles of his own
He had an old yellow cat that wouldn't leave home
Tried everything he knew to do to keep the cat away
Took him up to Canada and told him for to stay...
Old Mister Johnson had troubles of his own
He had a yellow cat which wouldn't leave its home
He tried and he tried to give the cat away
He gave it to a man goin' far, far away
Old Mr. Johnson, he had troubles
all his own,
He had an old yeller tomcat who
wouldn't leave his home.
He tried and he tried to give that
cat away,
He gave it to a man who was going
far away.
Now Old Mr. Johnson had troubles of
his own,
He had a yellow cat that wouldn't
leave his home!
A special plan with deception as
the key,
One little cat; how hard could it
be?
Well Old Mr. Johnson had troubles
of his own,
Still the yellow cat wouldn't leave
his home!
Steps were needed to remove the
little curse,
The old man knew it couldn't get
any worse.
Now old Miss Johnson lived all alone
Had an old yeller cat that wouldn't leave home.
She tried everything she knew
To make the cat go away
He gave it to a little boy with a dollar note
And told him for to take it up the river in a boat.
They tied a rope around its neck (it must have weighed a
pound!);
Now they drag the river for the little boy that's drowned.
Well they gave a kid a quarter to
let that cat drown.
He rowed him out to the river,
there was water all around.
He tied a rope around his neck, it
must have weighed a pound.
Now they're draggin' that old river
for the little boy that drowned.
He gave it to a little boy who
lived upon a boat;
It was out upon the river, it was
out and on the float.
He tied a weight around its neck,
it must've weighed ten pounds;
Next day they dragged the river for
the little boy who drowned.
She gave him to a boy goin' out in a boat,
And she gave the boy a dollar just to set the cat afloat
Well the boat tipped over and the boy drowned
Two miles away, they picked the boy up drowned,
He gave it to a man going up in a balloon
And told him for to take it to the Man in the Moon.
The balloon came down about ninety miles away,
And where he is now, well, I dare not say.
They gave the old cat to the man in the balloon
And they told him to give him to the Man in the Moon
Well the balloon, it busted and everybody said,
"Ten miles away they picked a man up dead..."
And she gave him to a man goin' up in a balloon
And asked him for to leave him with the man in the moon.
Well the balloon burst and back to earth it head,
Six miles away they picked the man up dead.
The cat was a possessor of a family of her own
With seven little kittens, till there came a cyclone.
It blew the houses all apart and tossed the cat around;
The air was filled with kittens, and not a one was ever
found.
The cat it had some company one
night out in the yard,
Someone threw a boot-jack, and they
threw it mighty hard;
It caught the cat behind the ear,
she thought it rather slight,
When along came a brick-bat and
knocked the cat out of sight
This old cat had company out in the backyard
Somebody threw a boot, and threw it awful hard
Hit the cat behind the ear and he thought it was a slight
And down came a brick and knocked him out of sight...
Away across the ocean they did send
the cat at last,
Vessel only out a day and making
water fast;
People all began to pray, the boat
began to toss,
A great big gust of wind came by
and every soul was lost.
They put him on a boat bound for Cambridge town
They thought with all the rain there, he'd surely drown
When the rain come down on the ninety-second day
The whole darn city just a-floated out the bay...
On a telegraph wire, sparrows
sitting in a bunch,
The cat was feeling hungry, thought
she'd like them for a lunch;
Climbing softly up the pole, and
when she reached the top,
Put her foot upon the electric
wire, which tied her in a knot.
On the telegraph wire the birds were sittin' in a bunch
Saw an even number, thought he'd have `em for his lunch
Climbed softly up the pole, until he reached the top
Put his foot upon the electric wire, tied him in a knot...
They took him down to Cape Canaveral and they put him in a
place
And they shot him in a satellite way into space
They thought that cat was beyond human reach
Then they got a phone call from Miami Beach, sayin'
The atom bomb fell just the other day,
The H-bomb fell in the very same way;
Russia went, England went, and then the U.S.A.
The human race was finished without a chance to pray.
Now the atom bomb fell today.
The H-bomb fell in the very same
way.
England went, France went, then the
good ol' U. S. A.
Even [fill in non-sequitur
country of choice] was blown away.
They threw him in the kennel where the dog was asleep
And the bones of cats lay piled in a heap
That ol' kennel burst apart and the dog flew out the side
With his ears chewed off and holes in his hide...
They sneaked into the shop with the butcher not around
And they dropped him in the hopper where the meat was ground
The old cat disappeared with a blood-curdling shriek
And that shop's hamburger tasted furry for a week...
They gave it to the butcher to kill
today.
He put it through the meat grinder
and ground away.
The cat disappeared with a
blood-curdling shriek!
And the meat tasted foul for almost
a week.
And she took him to the butcher when the butcher wasn't
around
And she dropped him in the hopper when the butcher wasn't
around.
Well the cat let out with a horrible shriek,
And the town's meat tasted furry for a week
They put him in a cotton sack and give him to a girl
Who was startin' on a bicycle all around the world
Well over there in China, a terrible wreck was found
She's singin' now in heaven with the angels all around...
Now this cat was a terror and they thought it would be best
To give him to a feller who was goin' out West
Train ran around a curve and hit a broken rail
Not a blessed soul aboard the train lived to tell the tale...
He gave it to a man going way out West
Told him for to take it to the one he loved the best
First the train hit the curve, then it jumped the rail
Not a soul was left behind to tell the gruesome tale
Well, at last they found the way this cat they'd really fix.
They put him in an orange crate on Highway Sixty-Six.
Come a ten ton truck with a twenty ton load.
Scattered pieces of the orange crate a mile down the road...
Now the farmer on the corner said he'd shoot the cat on sight
And he loaded up his gun with nails and dynamite
And he hid in the garden till the cat come around
Seven little pieces of the man was all they found...
The man around the corner swore he'd kill the cat on sight
He loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite
He waited and he waited for the cat to come around
Ninety seven pieces of the man is all they found
Well the man around the corner
hated that cat with all his might,
He loaded up his shotgun with nails
and dynamite.
He waited and he waited for that
cat to come around,
Ninety-seven pieces of that man
were all they found.
They put him on the White House lawn, I'll tell you the
reason why
They thought with all those golf balls flyin' there, he'd
surely die
The very next morning, what do you think they found
Ninety-four squirrels lyin' dead upon the ground...